Oscillation

I have a generous, loving family full of grace. Blessed with an able body and beautiful friends, my kinetic mind swings between vanity and purpose.

On one swing to the left: success, financial glory, and adoration of peers burn brightly, blinding judgement and reason. I linger, enjoying the warmth and ease of existence. My needs fulfilled and my archaic desires replaced with exponential lust. Yet my neglected spirit gasps for breath beneath ego.

Soon the heat becomes uncomfortable. Seams appear in the facade and cracks trace the empty cup. Compassion coughs once, gagging on guilt. Coughs again, reclaiming past strength it heaves and expels the virus, as gaze is decisively diverted and the once hidden alternative sweetly calls. With a glimpse of gospel I am pulled down and to the right. My pulse quickens as I accelerate past mediocrity.

I rise steadily, eyes adjusting to natural light, I perceive apparent emptiness, the gilded riches from the other half absent. But with a profound inhale, earth herself and the thick green of trees enter my lungs. The spectacle of reality seeps deep into my system. Like a dried sponge dipped in healing water, it penetrates and swells coating every recess. Drowning indifference and deceit while bringing nutrients to pure dreams long forgotten.

Break the pendulum! Snap the cord! I've smelled authenticity and no longer desire any other lover. But do it quickly! Cause I can feel gravity tugging heavy on my laces, my ears faintly ringing with her siren song.

last night in Ohio

tuesday
wednesday

Today

Today I met Paul.
I was sitting on a bench outside reading an old paperback edition of Prince Caspian. I had ten minutes to kill before my pizza would be ready.
He sat down quietly.
I heard him whisper in a low, lumpy voice, "I...need to talk to somebody."
I turned to see a middle aged man holding hunched over, holding his face.
"What's going on?"
"My dad died."
What do you say in this situation? My dad has not died. I can't relate.
"That sucks dude."
But I can't continue reading, I put my book down to really listen. He didn't say much, just sort of spoke in fragments. He had been cooking breakfast and went to see why his father hadn't come to the table yet. He was lying still in his bed. I don't understand life. I couldn't think of anything comforting to say. It started to sink in, his...dad...died.
Too much.
"I'm gunna go grab my pizza, be right back."
I returned, but he declined the pizza, accepting a cigarette instead. I still don't know what to say. He needs to get back to his house, which is miles away. I offer to give him a ride on my moped, but we both know that's not going to work out. He sees a cab with a phone number on the side. I call and get a price, $31 to take him home. Ouch. I have this habit of not carrying bills in my wallet so that I can honestly answer people who ask for money.
"I don't have any cash."
We decide to go to the Kroger across the street and I call the cab again and tell them to meet him there. I am fully willing to pay for this guys ride with my credit card, even go with him. He declines. He wants to go alone, wants me to go to the ATM.
"I don't give out money Paul."
"Please man, Please, I just need to do this alone."
"Sorry."
"Just eleven dollars, please!"
My faith begins to wane.
"Paul, I want to help you and I don't think giving you eleven dollars is really helping."
Empathy begins to mix with sadness, this isn't going to work out, he doesn't want my help. I look him in the eye and turn to walk away, carrying my pizza under my arm.
"Alright man, I just wanted to buy something to drink."
"I don't think that's gunna help."
Was this whole thing a plot to get beer, he could have saved me a lot of time and soul-searching if he had just been upfront. I begin to dismiss him in my head, stupid guy, wants to get drunk, what an idiot.
My mind flashes back to last night, sitting around with my coworkers at the company party, drinking like idiots.
Damn it.
On my way back to the bench my brain kicks into high gear trying to analyze what just happened. Was he lying? He obviously needs help. I'm a selfish bastard, what's $11?
A worn, bearded man sees my pizza box and asks if I can spare a slice.
"Absolutely."
I whip out a couple.
Yes, that was easy. I feel good. Much better than with Paul. Helping people should make you smile. Helping people should be quick and painless, like handing out pizza. I shouldn't have to think, or stress, make judgement calls, or become attached...I hope.

Worst Blog Ever

Sorry everybody, this blog blows. I'm trying to think of a good reason for not posting...I don't really have one. It's not because nothings happening with me, there's been a lot going on.

My very good friends came to visit last weekend, that was fabulous. We went to the museum and a few local festivals, including a very enjoyable gay pride parade. I also recently purchased a Hero Majestic moped. That has been a blast and certainly increased my Columbus exploration radius exponentially.

Work is grand. I spent the last couple days sitting behind a two-way mirror doing usability testing. I even got to moderate a few of the tests, which was scary + thrilling + wonderful. My next project is writing the paper explaining the testing results and recommendations. Should be a good learning experience.

I think one of my favorite parts about this internship is getting to see the techniques we learned in school put into practice. Makes me feel like I'm getting my money's worth at that hippy school.

I've been making some great friends here. It's nice to hang out with people other than co-workers and housemates. I think it's good for the soul. I've also gotten into this habit of calling old friends at dusk while sitting in my backyard. It's nice talking to people on the other-side of the country while watching a sunset. Makes me feel like they're sitting next to me.

The only reason I can think of for not posting is that I haven't taken many pictures lately. I know it sounds stupid but I wanted every post to have it's own picture. I guess I just broke that rule, so now I'll feel less pressure about posting.

Corporate Hairball

The past two days I have been in meetings with a website committee of a large corporation. We are helping them to architect the redesign of their site. This is my first experience with a big corporate client on their home turf. It was a very surreal experience, getting a visitor pass at the security desk, walking past rows and rows of cubicles, sitting in a conference room with 15 other people trying to design. This new world has it's own language, traditions, and culture. At first I was intimidated by these strange folk, their blank stares and embroidered polos, but during lunch I found some common ground and was able to pretend these creatures might be human.

7 Days Down

I have completed my first week at my new job. So far everything has been going very well. Better than I thought it would. My living situation here is great. I have two roommates who are both very generous. They have a great house here with a pool table, big screen TV, and a quaint backyard.

Here is a picture of the office building I am working in. I am enjoying my job a lot. I get to work on real projects but I also get to wonder around and see what everyone else is working on. I also sit in on meetings and ask more questions than I think would be appropriate if I was just an employee. It is interesting the differences and similarities between school and work. One thing thats nice is working 9-5. I get to leave at the end of the day and not worry about work until the next morning, but the biggest difference has to be the money. Designers here actually have it, unlike at school. They drive nice cars, wear nice clothes, and eat at nice restaurants. It all seems very foreign to me. It is exciting to hang out professional designers, people making money doing the things I pay to do at school.






I am going to try to update this pretty frequently, so stay tuned for more detailed escapades.